Thank you for visiting my blog. I wanted to write because I discovered many years ago that I had been raised in a narcissistic family. I know that narcissism is a term that has become commonly used in our society and often brings to mind someone who is vain and quite obsessed with themselves, however if you have a narcissistic parent you see a very different side of the word and know just how damaging and hurtful it can be to have a narcissistic parent.
I was the golden child in my family and whilst I now know that I was treated differently to my sister, I by no means escaped the abuse that took place in our home. The golden child is said to be the one who conforms to the narcissistic parents abuse, plays the role of the pleasing child to escape the abuse, acts as a pawn of the narcissistic family system and has no real identity of their own. The golden child is usually enmeshed with the narcissistic parent and rarely sees the full extent of the parents abusive behaviour, and can also be encouraged to join in with the abuse towards the scapegoat.
The scapegoat is described as being strong willed, questions authority, they are assigned to take the blame for many of the wrongs that occur in the narcissistic family. The scapegoats accomplishments are often ignored or belittled, and the narcissistic parent can vent their frustrations and hatred against this one child, and invite others to join in on the abuse, by telling others how bad and disagreeable the child is. The scapegoat can be chosen because they display characteristics that the narcissist despises within themselves. Making the decision to go no contact is not an easy one but it is usually best for the scapegoats mental and emotional health.
In my family my sister, the scapegoat made the decision to go no contact with the majority of our family, yet we have managed to keep in touch and we continue to work on our relationship. Even though I am aware of the dynamics within my family I have not decided to go no contact, instead I have decided to work on myself and strengthen my boundaries and self esteem so that I can be around any individual and not lose myself. I will share more on how I do this going forward, and it could be argued that I am not going no contact simply because of my role as the golden child. However, I have found that it is much more beneficial to work on yourself because you are the only person that you can change. Going no contact with ones family is an option but it does not solve everything, you could still have a narcissistic boss, spouse, or even ex with whom you are co-parenting. I believe that it is better to have the tools for if you are in such a situation, but of course this is just my opinion and there is no right way, also it is not advisable to stay in an abusive relationship either physical or emotional, as these situations just tend to worsen over time. In conclusion we simply have to do what works best in our lives.
I would love to hear if you have gone no contact with a parent or significant family member and how it has worked for you?