Change is Not Comfortable…But Do It Anyway

Since I have been on a journey to become my authentic self and love myself more, I have noticed big changes in some of my relationships. Over the years people get used to the way that you always behave and of course a pattern is formed. When you change your pattern it can become unsettling for others, and also for you as you see their reactions.

I rceently had a disgreement with my mother, and whilst it was not about a serious issue, I could tell that she was quite annoyed. Her annoyance would usually be my queue to not say anything else and also for me to ensure that I change the subject and switch my behaviour to being more pleasing. However now that I am more conscious of my behaviour I am not willing to do that. I am always respectful to my Mum, but if I know that I have not done anything then I am no longer willing to stress myself out wondering why someone else is annoyed with me. In the past if I felt that my Mum was annoyed and giving me the silent treatment it would have made me feel really anxious and I would have had to try and clear the air regardless of if I was in the wrong or not.

If anxiety arises in me I sit with it and work out what is causing the anxiety; I allow the feeling to flow through my body. I do not stuff the emotion, or tell myself that I am being silly, I feel it and then move on.

It is really liberating to not feel as though I have to chase people around asking them why they are not speaking to me. If they have a problem and would like to discuss it then I will be happy to talk things through, but I am not willing to initiate the conversation about a problem that is not my own in the hope of settling things. The fact that I can allow people to sort out their own problems and discuss them with me when they are ready lets me know how far I have come in my codependency recovery. I am not dependent on someone elses views of me, and they are entitled to have their opinion of me also.

I am enjoying the journey of getting to know myself more.

Published by C J Anonymous

I have started this blog to share my journey through narcissistic abuse and beyond, and to help others who may have been through similar experiences. I also wanted to share the things that have helped me to heal from codependency. As a mother it became of paramount importance to me to ensure that unconscious generational patterns were not passed down to my children. Narcissism and codependency runs through my family of origin, and whilst I have learned that I cannot change the behaviour of others, I know that I can learn and improve myself daily and show up as an example to my children. There is a wealth of information about narcissism and codependency and yet everyone has a unique story to tell. Other's that shared their stories, helped me to see that I was not alone in a toxic family, or an abusive relationship and I did not have to be the victim, I could reclaim my power and change my life around. My hope is to help others who may feel as though they are the victim, suffer from low self-esteem, or believe that someone else has power over them. It can sometimes be a small quote, or one blog post that resonates with someone and starts their healing journey.

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